firmware update

To Whomever It May Concern:

I am writing to request a firmware update. Detailed specifications of my particular model (2008) are provided below in the hopes that this information will be of assistance:

model: Homo sapiens babyens (subset of Home sapiens sapiens)
firmware version: .94839277 beta
original release date: approximately 250,000 years ago
specific model release date: June 28, 2008

My model seems to have an inordinate amount of difficulty processing some basic physics issues. Examples include (but are not limited to) the following:

1. Model seems to have difficulty understanding that two objects may not occupy the same physical space. Specifically, model seems to frequently want its head to reside in the exact same space as various obstacles, the most common of which are horizontal chair leg cross-brace supports. Since the chair was there first, model’s head inevitably loses this confrontation and must yield the contested physical space to the chair. While this does indeed seem the fairest resolution (especially for the chair), it would be convenient if my model did not continue to attempt this infringement upon the physical space of the chair since it usually results in a negative effect on the emotional space of the model.
2. Model seems to be only partially cognizant of gravity. Model is just learning to navigate multi-level environments, the most challenging of which to-date is a standard staircase. Model is surprisingly adept at ascending the stairs in a methodical and, for the most part, successful manner. Model seems to carefully plan each limb’s role in achieving this maneuver which, upon some reflection, is relatively complex. When attempting to reverse the process however (i.e., when attempting to descend the staircase), none of the aforementioned caution or planning comes into play. Instead, the model simply places a random limb into the empty air above the next lower step and, without intervention, would surely plummet to its doom.

Having had almost no experience with any previous models, I am not qualified to determine whether these issues would be classified as “bugs.” But in any case, given the other relatively complex concepts that seem to be understood by my model, it seems reasonable to correct these issues in a future firmware release.

Thanks in advance for your consideration. Sincerely,

GC Stanat